THE STRUGGLE IS PART OF THE STORY

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

For various reasons, this past year has been the most painful year of my life by far. As of late, God has graciously given me a mild reprieve, but I still spend a lot of time thinking about all that happened this year and the way God used trials and tribulations to remold and reshape me.

What do you do when everything you have placed your hope and security in is swept out from underneath you like a rug, leaving you hopeless and literally on the floor, asking, “Why, God?”

As dramatic of a description as that may seem, I know what it feels like to lose out on a dream. It’s heartbreaking. And for me, even though it was a rude awakening, it was also a fresh beginning and a chance to truly, for the very first time, trust God and give him the pen of my life’s story—including my most of all my faith story.

We can never let ourselves forget that the struggle is part of the story. The nightmare we may be living—or have lived at some point—is something God can use to remind us of our need for Him. He can take our broken pieces and make them into something beautiful if we only trust Him. I know because I have experienced it.

“As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain

your mercy from me;

your steadfast love and your faithfulness will

ever preserve me!” {Psalm 40:11}

In these hard times, we often have to hit rock bottom before we realize our true need for God. In these times, we find Him on our knees. And when we do—when we humble ourselves before the Lord and ask Him for help—that is when we are reminded of whose arms will never fail us, whose ears will never tire of our cries and whose shoulder we can always lean on.

“I waited patiently for the Lord;

he inclined to me and heard my cry.

He drew me up from the pit of destruction,

out of the miry bog,

and set my feet upon a rock,

making my steps secure.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a song of praise to our God.” {Psalm 40:1-3}

When I was forced to deal with the broken pieces of an unhappy circumstance that came my way last year, the Lord opened my eyes to see that the life I had been living was utterly self-focused. He had so many wonderful purposes for allowing my struggle! I realized that I had been so narrow-minded in getting what I wanted most that I placed some important relationships in my life on the back burner. 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.” {Isaiah 55:8-9}

And as the Lord continued closed some major doors in my life, I had to learn to dance in the hallway until more of them opened up. And, even now—even though many doors have opened and many changes have taken place in my life—I am still dancing in the hallway in some areas. But I have hope that even if the doors I want opened remain closed, God knows better than I do, and His ways are not my ways.

Today I pray that God would open the eyes of everyone reading this to see that His ways are best. And even when struggles come, those struggles have a purpose and an important role in our stories. Let the struggles draw you closer to God and teach you true dependence on Him alone.

Faith.

I AM NOT MY OWN.

“Sometimes I feel like you’re worthless!” said the voice on the phone.

“Well then,” I replied.  “I suppose we shouldn’t be together.” I hung up.

After months of trying to end things, of breaking up with him repeatedly, I finally had the courage to let my boyfriend go once and for all. In the aftermath of that final phone call I had no tears left to cry. I simply closed my eyes and prayed for the strength not to run back to him, to let this be the end.

I lived the next few months and years of my life in a nightmarish haze. His words echoed in my mind. I thought about all the times he told me it was hard to fall in love with me because other girls were so much fancified and gracious than me. I remembered how he counted the pounds I lost and even said vice versa when i thought i was skinny enough. I was left drowning , looking upto others for my worth, and constantly feeling like a failure.I guess the Maslow's hierarchy of needs really applied to me then.

First "Worthless"

Worthless. I felt like someone had put a price on me – a price far cheaper than what I used to believe I was worth,a gem.

Have you ever felt like the price tag someone gave you determined your worth? Have you felt like you never measured up, or weren’t quite good enough? I’ve mostly felt that way. I felt like I wasn’t pretty enough, thin enough, popular enough, smart enough, or worth dating enough…I guess, quite simply, I just wasn’t enough.

When I read Matthew 27:9, it jumped out at me. “Then what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet was fulfilled: “They took the thirty silver coins, the price set on him by the people of Israel.” I’ve read it a hundred times, but suddenly thought, “Thirty silver coins for the King of the universe? For the Son of God?”

All those times when I felt like I had a “Discount: damaged” clearance tag on me, I had not realized that my Savior was given the same tag. But the price tag didn’t stay on Him. He didn’t wear it for years like I did. He knew who He was.

One day as I was moping around my parents’ house, a few months after my break-up, my dad came over, took me in his arms, and said, “Kate, I don’t love you because you’re good enough; I love you because you’re my daughter.”

Second "Priceless"

My haze dispersed as I realized God was saying the same thing to me: “Tiffany, I don’t love you because you’re good enough. All your best deeds are like filthy rags to Me. You can’t ever earn My love, but I still love you right now, right where you are. You are priceless to Me. I gave everything – the life of my Son – to draw you near to Me. You have worth because I give you worth. If you’ll let Me, I’ll replace your clearance price tag with a ‘bought’ tag.”

God took me on a journey. Slowly He scraped all the remnants of that damaged goods sticker right off of me.  I discovered that I couldn’t know who I was until I knew Whose I was. He bought me with a high price. I was His. Being His daughter gave me a new identity.

I don’t feel worthless anymore. I don’t feel like I’m not enough. In fact, instead of focusing on me, I focus on the One who bought me with His life. The less I focus on me and the more I look to Him, the more my insecurities disappear.

Realizing that I am bought with a price taught me that I am no longer my own. I am His. When I live to please and glorify Him, instead of living to prove myself to others, all my insecurities fade into the background and true confidence erupts.

I am so thankful for a High Priest (Jesus) who can understand our struggles, because He experienced them when He came to earth to pay the ultimate price for our ransom. (Hebrews 4:15) He understands what I experienced, because He had a price tag put on Him too.  But He didn’t wear it. He knew who He was. So do I, because I know Whose I am. My Savior bought me with His life.

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TIME I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see. The longer I live the more my mind dwells upon the beauty and the wonder of the world. ~ John Burroughs

“I have held many things in my hands and I have lost them all. But whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.” ~ Martin Luther

HIS WONDERFUL PLAN

There is a progression that should take place in building a Christian dating relationship. The following is offered as a short Christian dating guide for Christians to consider as they build a Christian dating relationship.

FANTASY STAGE: 1 – 6 months

1. There is an attraction to each other and Christian singles immediately (or soon thereafter) think they have found their soul mate. Candidly, there is really little more in the Christian dating relationship during this stage than “physical attraction”.

2. There is a temptation for Christian singles to begin saying, “I love you” during this fantasy stage. What the expression really is saying is – “I am in love with the idea of being in love” AND “I really think you are the answer for ME”! It is mostly self-serving.

3. The emphasis should be upon enjoying each other’s company and building a FRIENDSHIP and refraining from going any further.

4. After 2 to 3 months of this type of dating and it is mutually agreed, the Christian dating relationship can move into an exclusive dating arrangement. This should be mutually agreed to and clearly understood by both Christian singles.

5. It is very important that each person have their own accountability group of their own gender. The progress of the Christian dating relationship should be shared so that their objectivity and accountability can be a valuable resource to the couple.

AFFIRMING STAGE: 6 – 12 months

1. Once a couple is satisfied that there is something to take to the next level, the couple should develop a plan in how they can best get to know each other in “real settings” not just in Christian dating situations. This plan will include such things as spending time around family and close friends to enable each other to see how the other person builds and sustains all relationships.

2. I do not suggest that the couple spend all their time together at this stage. It is a temptation to do so, but I suggest that it is actually unhealthy for the Christian dating relationship. Our emotions need to “grow” into this type of deep Christian dating relationship. Pushing the pace causes areas of each other’s character to not be observed. For example: Can the couple enjoy their alone time as well as their together time? If not, what is the “force” at play that is “pushing”? This often means that a healthy bonding is not taking place and the emphasis is upon self-satisfaction in this Christian dating relationship.

3. It is very important to look for CHARACTER issues in each other during this stage of Christian dating. Give yourself enough time and enough settings where character issues can surface. Why is this important? Individuals can “mask” character issues for an extended period of time – especially a few months during the fantasy period of Christian dating. But character is the foundation upon which commitment is built. Character does not change just because one gets married. You need to know “what they are really like” before you move into a marital relationship.

PRE-ENGAGEMENT STAGE: 1 to 2 years

1. The couple has spent a good deal of time building their Christian dating relationship. They mutually agree that this relationship has the great potential of moving into marriage. It is important that there be a “pre” engagement period of time. There is no set time frame for a pre-engagement period. It is more important that the process be completed than the time completed.

2. Marital inventories and temperament sorting should be taken at this stage. These are a wonderful means of finding out which areas you are really in “sync” and where you are apart. It serves as a basis for building the Christian dating relationship into as healthy a one as possible BEFORE marriage.

3. At least 4 sessions should be spent with a Christian counselor who is trained in pre-marital counseling. It would be especially helpful to take the inventories mentioned above to the counselor for their input.

4. It is very important that the couple receive affirmations from family and friends during this stage. If they do not (unless there is a good reason), the couple should take the time to listen to the concerns and take steps to ensure that they are embracing and working through them.

ENGAGEMENT STAGE:

1. Once a couple arrives at the point that they “know” that they want to be married and have all the affirmations that they can receive, they can move from the Christian dating stage with confidence into the engagement stage.

2. I do not recommend a prolonged engagement once the couple decides to get married. If they have done the process in a “seasoning” manner, they should plan to marry as practical – with mutual agreement. I say this so that pre-marital sex will not be a temptation.

MARRIAGE STAGE:

The couple should be able to enjoy the blessings of God as well as family and friends as they move into a marriage that has been well planned and confirmed in a healthy process. They can be assured that they have taken the steps to assure a long and satisfying marriage.

There are so many voices at play in our world today. Many of these encourage us to rush into marriage with anyone as soon as we find a strong attraction. This is not wise and God wants to mature you in your Christian dating and bonding process. It is my prayer that Christian singles will use the above to develop their own Christian dating guide for building a strong and satisfying relationship.

It Has Not been Done Yet.

How many times in your career have you witnessed someone say, “that’s impossible – it simply can’t be done.” Perhaps you’ve even been guilty of uttering such a phrase yourself. Here’s the thing – leaders don’t accept impossibility as a valid thesis. If you think I’ve lost my mind, or that my optimistic nature has crossed over into a state of irrational delusion, I’d encourage you to read on as I challenge the logic of impossibility.

The fact something has yet to be accomplished is rarely evidence of impossibility, rather it usually means whatever “it” is just hasn’t happened yet. Put simply, a lack of a particular outcome signals a lack of accomplishment, not impossibility. History has proven time and again that incurable diseases become curable, so-called laws of science are revealed to have been little more than flawed theory, and physical limitations once believed insurmountable are eventually exceeded.

When leaders view everything through a lens of what is they often get a false positive on impossibility. However when they change to a filter of what if the barriers to possibility are often removed. Conventional wisdom will tell you attainment and achievement lead to great outcomes. However true wisdom reveals discovery leads to better outcomes. Great leaders don’t play to an end, they think beyond outcomes – do you?

What if Michelangelo, Einstein, Ford, or the Wright Brothers had settled for impossibility over possibility? What if Gates, Jobs and Bezos focused on what was instead of the possibilities of what could be? What if our next generation of researchers, scientists, entrepreneurs, and academics fail to challenge conventional thinking? What if our world leaders continue to view the status quo as acceptable?  As a society we cannot afford to embrace theory as fact, fiction as truth, or good enough as good enough. The burden and privilege of leadership simply demands more.

When you think about what keeps good leaders up at night, it’s rarely an issue of can things be done, but more likely an issue of should they be done? Given enough time and resources, virtually anything can be accomplished. If you say you don’t have the resources, I will surmise you’re not very resourceful. If you state you don’t have the time, I will conclude you’re not very focused. If you imply you have too many things on your plate, I have no choice but to believe you’re not very disciplined.

Where the absence of an outcome or a discovery exists so does a lack of creativity, critical thought, focused energy, effort and resources, and ultimately a lack of leadership.  My thesis is a simple one: “The plausibility of impossibility only becomes a probability in the absence of leadership.” Leadership is the difference between what could have been, and what will be.

Leaders must refuse to accept the status quo. Consider this – if nobody ever reinvented the wheel, our tires would still be made out of stone. Whenever I see leaders focus on maintenance over innovation, I see people who have unnecessarily drawn the line of impossibility in the sand. As I’ve said before, a leader’s job is to disrupt mediocrity – not embrace it, to challenge the norm – not embolden it, to weed out apathy – not reward it, and to dismantle bureaucracies – not build them. Nothing is impossible until you embrace it as such.

Thoughts.

NOSTALGIA

As I emptied my mind,
closed my eyes and heard.

Horns Bellowing in my ears,

and rustling of the leaves. 

I felt the bamboo Trees
sway to the tunes of 
melodious flute.


As the  sun sets, 
the twilight hues washed over the sky. 
Reminiscent of the fears, sorrows. 
The sky broke into a symphony
of unrequited love.

As, myriad thoughts rose 
in silence of the skies.

The waves of thoughts,
tides of tormenting memories
swept by nostalgia. 

I now recoiled 
at the sight of the present
as I embarked the journey to the past. 
I relived the ephemeral joys of youth 
the lyrical bouts of laughter.

Winged hopes of  never ending bliss

Stole a moment 
from the maker of the dreams.

As I lived,
the silence of the skies.

MY REFLECTION

On being me.

 

Have you ever wondered how you got to the place you are? Pretty soon you’re retracing the steps of your life, back through memories like pages in a book, or a film I guess.

 

It could be as simple as being introduced to a new person that eventually becomes a lifelong friend or mate (or both). It could be more intricate, events that are woven deep into the fabric of life like exposing your kids to art, music and stories. It is only through the passing of all the everyday’s when suddenly you realize that they are now exposing music and art and their own stories to you.

 

I have friends that can do things I can never do but their passion only inspires me to be better. Friends that have come and gone, friends that I can only see on some days, friends that are friends no matter how much time passes without anything and friendships that destructed from not following the same principles.

 

How did I get here, to the place or rather the person I am now? Seems like a simple question compared with asking why am I here and yet the answer is as elusive. I guess I’ll just keep doing what I do and see how the story ends.

 

But as of now am elated at what i see.

Accept the Responsibilities

When we first enter into our relationship we have these dreams and hopes about how it is going to be. We see the future as bright and sunny with not a cloud on the horizon. It takes only a few years, if things are going well, to find that perhaps our dream is not happening. There are clouds and more than a few and they are not on the horizon, they are here and guess what it's raining. Now what? Is our relationship over, are we done? Unfortunately in today's disposable world many people think so and end their relationship at the first sign of storm clouds.

Any relationship will have days when there is no sunshine, when the clouds threaten to overpower us. No relationship is easy all the time, every relationship needs some effort. I guess any relationship worth having is worth working for. When talking about our relationships it seems somewhat daunting or awkward to say it needs work. Work usually means doing hard things, things we "have" to do, sometimes things we really don't want to do.

Relationship work can be all of the above but, it can also be fun, exciting and very rewarding. If there are issues affecting the relationship that are individual to one of the partners they need to address and deal with those, this can be that hard work. If there are resentments and problems between the two of you this can be hard to work out as well.

Other types of relationship work can be fun and exciting.To keep the connections strong and true in your relationship can be very fun and exciting.Most of relationship work involves just living in the moment, being present and being aware of what is going on in your and your partner's life.

"Doing nothing sometimes hurts more than doing something." If we go through life and our relationship doing nothing, guess what will happen in that relationship. You're right; nothing will happen and I can tell you that can hurt. Putting our partner's needs on an even plane as our own is one example of working on your relationship. It's rewards are that our partner feels and understands that they are important and equal with us, that we desire their best as much as we desire our own.

Anything worth having, as in a great relationship with the one we love, is worth working for. Worth caring about, worth looking for the win-win in every situation. It's about respect and dignity, about caring and sharing, about doing the things that we know should be done and finding out things we don't know about and doing them as well. Love is a great gift that we having been given. But we need to understand that it comes with responsibilities. Accept the love, accept the responsibilities.

It is a lesson that am yet to learn.

LEADERSHIP AND BLAME.

In the world of leadership where the traits of accountability and personal responsibility are so highly regarded, I have one question? What’s with all the finger pointing?

Here’s the thing – as a leader, anything that happens on your watch is your responsibility whether you like it or not. This level of responsibility just goes with the territory. Last I checked we all make mistakes – I know I do. Most of us don’t look for perfection in leaders, we look for leaders who see mistakes as a chance for opportunity, growth and improvement, not an opportunity to blame shift.

Leadership isn’t about blaming others, but realizing any blame levied should rest solely upon the leader. The best leaders will only point the finger at one person – themselves. The truth of the matter is no victories are won by participating in the blame game. It’s been said, “the only thing that happens when you throw dirt is that you lose ground.” Blame doesn’t inspire, it breeds malcontent and discord. If trust is the cornerstone of leadership, then blame can only be viewed as the corrosive behavior that eats away at the foundation. Don’t be the  leader who worries about what might stick – be the mature leader who takes the hit, deals with the issue, and moves forward with character. Lead – don’t blame…

Real leaders won’t accept credit for success, but always claim responsibility for failure. In analyzing why some leaders struggle with blame shifting . Excuses, rationalizations, and justifications will never serve as an adequate substitute for courage and humility.

The fastest way to make an issue fade into the background is to own it, and then do everything in your power to resolve it. Attempts to do anything else only end up amplifying the issue.