NAJIVUNIA KUWA MKENYA

NAJIVUNIA KUWA MKENYA- Its not rude--its Kenyan
-- They eavesdrop shamelessly as you talk on the phone or to your companion. And when you glare meaningfully at them they hold your eyes.


--They bump into you in the streets then pour forth expletives from their mouths or click their tongues; never mind that it wasn't your fault but theirs.


--You are stuck in traffic, minding your own business when a driver suddenly and arrogantly cuts in front of you. Then his passenger shoots you a withering look/sneer.


--A pedestrian nearly causes you a coronary by appearing suddenly in front of your car then he shakes a fist at you and bangs angrily on your car.


--Everyone talks to you in Kikuyu arrogantly assuming you understand the language; after all you look like you come from 'those' sides.


--You ask the manamba for your change and he barks out an angry "Unafikiri mimi ni mwizi?" or in reverse the manamba asks a passenger for his fare and gets an acid: "Kwani huwezi kungojea?"


--At the supermarkets you are standing on the line with your purchase when a bunch of women grunt and effortlessly elbow you out of the way; as if you were just admiring the cashier.


--Have you noticed how dispassionately and almost coldly Kenyans react to deaths? Especially when they are being interviewed on the news you'll hear comments like: " Lakini kumbe ilikuwa siku yake".


--You are enjoying your paper when hot (read: unpleasant) breath stirs up the hair on your nape.You turn and discover that you have a reading mate and...wait! he's turning the page so he can get to 'The Watchman'


--You go to the shops to buy a packet of milk and your neighbor, the shopkeeper and the watchman all use different tactics to pry and snoop into your life. Is that your sister you live with or your girlfriend? Are you Kenyan? You've also got a question for them too: "Will you leave me alone?!"


--Have you ever ridden in a lift or a matatu twice simply because Kenyans won't wait for you to file out of the lift or matatu before they enter?


--The way they dig their noses furiously then stretch out the same hand to greet you. Shudder, shudder.


--Matatu's dropping off passengers before 'mwisho' not caring whether you are angry. The passengers' spewed curses fly cleanly past...........


--The way they are all up in your face with their know-it-all attitude giving you in depth 'helpful' advice or info. Oh, disinterest does not put them off.


--What about long distance relatives who arrive unannounced at your doorstep and wait for your ecstatic squeal as they grandly announce that they are there for a week.


--Gossiping. Enough said... Kenyans decided to help the Almighty in judging others.


-- They have a serious inferiority complex in regards to white people . . . ever walked into a restaurant, hotel or generally any place of business, only to be ignored while the staff dote on any white folk around assuming that because they are "wazungus" they must have plenty of cash and/or connections . . .


--If you suddenly get into an impressive amount of money you are a car jacker. Or a devil worshipper. Or both. And to the cops all men are jambazi, all women are whores.


That simple.


--Finally did you know that you could be robbed or raped in a public place and not a soul would come to your rescue? They all watch from the sidelines silent and unmoving as you live your nightmare. Later, much later, they might come and ask you about the details.


--So, did that give you a deep sense of déjà vu? Or did the shoe fit?


On a lighter note . . . ONLY Kenyans.......


1. Are engaged for 5 years or more.


2. Never bother to divorce, they just separate.


3. Are late to church, work, and everything else EXCEPT when the disco is free before 9pm.


4. Refer to diabetes as 'SUGAR'.


5. Show up at weddings, showers, graduation, birthday parties with a new outfit on with nails and hair done but no gift.


6. In relation to #5, they eat like parking boys and take a plate home.


7. Consider 'clubbing' or 'henging' as a monthly expense.


8. Leave bills (instead of insurance money) behind for surviving relatives.


9. Borrow money for a wedding.


10. Have mothers who can use curse words and religion ALL IN ONE SENTENCE e.g. "Lord, give me strength because I'm about to knock the hell out of this child".


11. Spend the car insurance money on everything EXCEPT getting the dent fixed.


12. Invite co-workers and all of their friends to their child's 1st birthday party which happens to have a professional DJ with only about 3 kids (including the child) in attendance. And then expect the guests to "changa" for the bash.


13. Start every sentence with "Me I..."e.g. "ME I donno why you are saying that I always say 'Me I'.


14. Say 'Spend' when they are staying the night elsewhere from home, e.g."Are you going to spend at her place?".


15. Put in iron rods in all windows and main doors...referring to them as ''Burglar proof''.


16. Use "Ngai" as an exclamation mark e.g. "Ngai, what are you doing?"


17. Believe "Ati" is an English word for "What?"


18. Think it is cool to drink and drive and get away with it "I don't know how I got home that day..the way I was soo drunk! Man how bizarre!!!!


19. Think all their economic and social problems are caused by "Moi" when in fact some have never been to school.


20. Pack up all their earthly goods to go to "shaggs" for a week in December, only to pack them all back again after that one week and return to "Tao".


21. Call travelling "flying out" e.g. She flew out (no one ever seems to wonder where all these Kenyans fly to).


22. Think that taking a clerical job in a company is better and "cooler" than toiling in their parents' family business.


23. Prefer washing cars and dishes in USA to toiling in their 20-acre tea farms in Kenya.


24. Call their homes "at ours". e.g., "At ours, we eat Githeri everyday".


25. Complain for five years about poor governance and corruption then vote in the same clowns back to parliament, and continue to bribe the officers in
government offices for “Faster Services”.


26. Have a chief Justice who has no law degree!


27. Go on strike for one day and expect the govt. to resign! Ai joa!!!


28. Sit back in their homes and expect their MP to "bring Development"


29. Refuse to insure against anything and expect you to bankroll them when calamity strikes... thro' Harambee.


30. Sit calmly and sometimes cheer as a mad man drives them in a ramshackle(MATATUS) at breakneck speed to certain death.


31. Drive with their windows wound up when they get to city center because of 4-year-old 'chokoras' aka street kids armed with human feaces, and still claim to be free people!


32. In reference to "flying out" (#21) isn't it only Kenyans who are escorted to the airport on that monumental day by their ENTIRE family i.e. nuclear family plus aunts, uncles, grandparents, distant cousins etc. as well as those random unknowns who claim blood relation conveniently in attendance . . . maybe you could also bring them back a little "samsing" when you return . .ama?


Sounds so true, eh? I hope you are still Kenyan by All standards! Me, I am Kenyan Damu.

COLORS AND PERSONALITY

http://fnsimiyu.blogspot.com took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! ""Needs peaceful surroundings. Looking for relief ..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

COOL GADGET:DONUT USB FLASH DRIVES

Donuts – the favorite snack of law enforcers in the US is now available in a delicious looking form, but unfortunately you can’t sink your teeth into this glazed offering as it stores bits and bytes instead of calories. These tiny USB flash drives come in the shape of a donut and will be available in three flavors – traditional chocolate frosting, strawberry, and a weird green color. If the man in your life is a cop, this would definitely make a pleasant present.

APPRECIATING NATIONAL GEOGRAPHICS