Time is the currency of self-esteem

People ask lots of questions about self-esteem as if it is an entity or unit that can be measured.  Yet, “the self- esteem” doesn’t sit in some mysterious place in our minds or bodies. It isn’t an organ like the appendix, where even though we don’t know what it does, it’s better to have one than not have one. You can’t give it to your child as a gift. It’s by-product of experiential learning. It must be earned.

Real self-esteem consists of having accurate perceptions of your capabilities, your strengths and weaknesses. Living with values; accepting achievements and failures; and being able to keep the opinions of others in perspective are all components of this most intangible yet essential component of psychological well-being.  And self-worth directs  behavior like a compass.

Nurturing a healthy one is done like any other aspect of skill development. Time is the currency of self-esteem. Building authentic self-esteem in one takes a lot of it, and requires positive active teaching and coaching. Without question, each one of us will require different levels of guidance and ways of coaching.

The necessary approach is one where clear, kind limits are in concert with age-appropriate freedom; where your actions match your words; where hurts and struggles are validated and processed and put into perspective; where mistakes are made and you still feel accepted and loved anyway.